Losing and winning, Part 3

This fictional account contains adult language and themes.  If such language
and themes offend you, please do not read farther.  Copyright 1999 by
SSTORYMAN.  All rights reserved.  Permission is granted to reproduce this
story in any form and for any purpose as long as this notice is reproduced
and no financial remuneration is received, directly or indirectly, by the
person reproducing it.

LOSING AND WINNING

3.	Friends Who Smoke Together, Stay Together.

Lynne sighed.  Another slow Wednesday in mid-May.  The library would be even
slower when summer arrived.  She busied herself with paperwork, trying to
stay occupied.

It was such a dumb idea.  Smoking made her  practically choke to death.  She
took a deep breath.  Smoking wasn't meant for her.  Maybe Stacie was right
about another thing, too.  Maybe she overreacted to Tom's recent lack of
sexual interest.  She smiled wantonly.  She was positively horny, and
thinking about sex only made it worse.  Her crotch felt wet.  She sighed.
She wanted to play with herself.  Just a little.

Sitting behind the desk, Lynne innocently folded her arms.  She slowly leaned
forward and pushed her arms and chest against the edge of the desk, which let
her caress her breasts with her hands without drawing undue attention.  She
squeezed and patted her tits through her blouse.  She smiled and quietly
moaned.  It felt so damn good!

As she quietly fondled herself, Stacie walked by.  She didn't speak.
Strange, Lynne thought.  Stacie was usually very friendly.

"Hey, lady," Lynne called after her blond friend.  "The usual break at the
usual time?"

Stacie stopped.  "Uh, I'm not going downstairs today."

That's odd, thought Lynne.  Stacie never missed a break.  Lynne discontinued
her little game playing with her tits and stood up.

"Why aren't you going downstairs?" she demanded.  "Is something wrong?"

Stacie didn't speak, but came closer.  "Don't hate me, Lynne," she began.
"It's not your fault.  Really, it's not.  But I'm ...."

"What?" Lynne demanded.  It wasn't like Stacie to be so nervous and evasive.

"I'm going outside for my break today."

Lynne scrunched her face.  "What?  Why?"

Stacie stared with quiet disappointment.  "You really don't get it, do you?
God, I should never have let you do it."

"Do what?" Lynne asked.  "What in heaven's name are you talking about?"

"Smoking," Stacie whispered.  "Remember when you dropped the cigarette last
night?  Remember how I picked it up?  Remember how I put the damn thing in my
mouth?"  With each question Stacie's voice increased in intensity.

"Yeah," Lynne said slowly.  The lights came on.  "You don't mean ...."

"Yeah," Stacie nodded gravely.  "I'm smoking.  I couldn't help it.  When I
puffed that first time, it tasted so good.  I had the whole damn pack in my
purse.  Half-way home, I had an overwhelming urge.  I'd been clean for six
years, but I talked myself into it.  'Just one won't hurt,' I told myself.
Bullshit!  I should've known better, but I did it.  I lit a cigarette in my
car.  God, I went crazy!  The feeling of smoking again was absolutely great.
I kept driving past my house because I didn't want to go in.  I wanted to
keep smoking.  I had three more cigarettes in the car, one after another."

"Oh, God," Lynne moaned.  "I'm so sorry."

"Wait," Stacie interrupted.  "There's more.  I walked in the front door
smelling like a goddamn ashtray!  Bill immediately knew what had happened,
and he was furious.  We fought, he swore at me, and I cried.  I was so upset
I locked myself in the bathroom."  She began to whimper.  "I smoked two more
cigarettes in the bathroom," she whined.  She paused and offered a weak
smile.  "I needed nicotine to calm down.  I'm afraid I'm hooked again.  No,
let me say it more directly.  I _am_ hooked again."

"Oh, Stacie, you must hate me."

Stacie shook her head.  "It's my own fault.  I shouldn't have helped with
your stupid experiment."  She sighed.  "But damn it, now I'm smoking again!
I can't help it.  I can't stop.  Unless I figure out how to quit, I'll take
my breaks outside like the other pariahs."

Lynne tried to say something, but the library director meandered by.  Lynne
and Stacie smiled politely, and Stacy started to walk down the stairs.

"I'll come outside with you at eleven," Lynne offered out as Stacie left.
"I'm not abandoning you."

"Thanks," Stacie replied from the top of the stairs.  "If you can stand it,
I'll see you outside the back door at eleven."

Time passed.  Lynne felt a sense of dread as the minute hand on the clock hit
eleven.  It was her fault Stacie was smoking again!  As it reached the top of
the hour, Lynne left her desk and went to the library's back door.  A few
moments after eleven, she stepped outside.  It was a beautiful, warm morning.
The sounds of spring were everywhere.  "This is nice," she decided.

Stacie was already there.  Her long blond hair was radiant in the morning
sun.  She held a newly opened pack of Salem Lights 100's.  Momentarily
oblivious to Lynne's arrival, Stacie put a cigarette between her lips and
clicked her lighter.

Lynne watched her friend's expression change.  As Stacie puffed, tension
evaporated from her countenance.  It reflected blissful satisfaction, as the
long white cigarette protruded from her pretty lips.  She pumped once, and a
second time.  Smoke curled from her nostrils as she inhaled.

"Hey, Stacie," Lynne quipped.  "How are you?" The question was rhetorical.
Lynne knew euphoria when she saw it.

"Oh, hi," Stacie smiled.  For a moment, she seemed embarrassed.  "I'm okay, I
guess."  Smoke cascaded from her lips as she answered.

"God, I'm so sorry," Lynne said apologetically.  "I never meant for you to
start smoking again.  You know that, don't you?"

"I know.  I said it's not your fault.  It's mine."  Stacie took another drag.
"God, it's an evil habit," she added, holding the smoke inside her lungs.
"It gets under your skin something terrible."  She pursed her lips and
exhaled into the warm morning air.  There was no breeze, and the smoke hung
in the air.  Despite her rhetoric, a satisfied smile spread across Stacie's
face.

Lynne frowned.  If it was such an 'evil' habit, Stacie was certainly pursuing
it with a vengeance!  She looked like she was enjoying herself, despite the
bravado.

Lynne suddenly had an idea.  "Hey, Stacie," she said brightly.  "I'll join
you.  Let me have a cigarette, too."

Stacie froze.  "Oh, God, no," she gasped incredulously.  "You gave up your
damn experiment.  Hasn't your stupid idea done enough damage to me?  Why risk
yourself, too?"

Lynne thought the response was unnecessary.  "I never said I gave it up," she
replied defensively.  "C'mon.  Let me have one.  This time I'll know better
than to inhale."

Stacie tightly clutched the pack, as if to keep them from her colleague,
while she raised her cigarette to her lips and took another long drag.

Lynne forced the issue.  She grabbed the pack of Salem Lights 100's.  "I'm
not kidding," she said solemnly.

Stacie said nothing.  Smoke slowly escaped from her mouth.

"If you're smoking, I'm smoking, too," Lynne added defiantly.

At that point Stacie either decided resistance was futile, or she lost the
will to oppose it.  Lynne put a cigarette in her mouth and handed the pack
back.  "Can I have a light?" she smiled.

Stacie obediently reached out and clicked the lighter.  The air was still,
and the flame didn't need shielding.  Lynne leaned in as it caught the tip of
her cigarette.  She sucked hard, making sure it was lit.  The flavor of smoke
filling her mouth reminded her of the night before.  But somehow, this
morning it tasted better, less stringent.

"Thanks," she said, releasing the smoke and smiling.

Stacie shook her head.  "I don't like this, Lynne," she muttered.  "I don't
want you ending up like me."

Lynne just smiled.  She raised the cigarette to her lips and took a second
light puff.  Immediately expelling the smoke, she turned.  "You're afraid
I'll like it, aren't you?" she chided.

"No," Stacie answered.  "It's not that at all.  I _know_ you'll like it.  My
God, I love it.  I love it to death," she said softly.  "I'm just worried
about you getting hooked."

"Don't worry 'bout me," Lynne said sharply.  "I'm a big girl.  I'll take care
of myself."  To prove her point, she mimicked Stacie's long drag, filling her
mouth with more smoke than before.  Unlike Stacie, however, she expelled it
without inhaling.

Lynne reflected on this second smoking experience.  It was easier today.  The
cigarette tasted ... pleasant.  She smiled.  Really, it wasn't bad at all.
Stacie's right, she mused.  This had more potential for addiction than she'd
given it credit for.

The two women smoked in silence.  Stacie stopped trying to discourage her
friend.  Instead, she focused on her own smoking.  She sucked long and hard
on her Salem, each time pulling smoke deep into her lungs before exhaling.
Lynne smoked more cautiously, though she did imitate some of her friend's
idiosyncrasies.  She watched the way Stacie held her cigarette, wrist
carefully cocked, fully extended in her two fingers.  Lynne held hers the
same way.  Holding a cigarette had a certain strange elegance, she decided.  

At one point, when Stacie wasn't watching her, Lynne decided to experiment
with inhaling again.  It was a modest attempt.  After all, from the last time
she'd learned the hard way to be very careful.  But when she drew the smoke
into her lungs, this time she felt no adverse reaction.  Instead, a strange
euphoria enveloped her.  She felt good - in fact, surprisingly gratified.
She exhaled without incident.  No problem this time, she sighed happily.  On
each subsequent puff, she continued to pull small amounts of smoke into her
lungs.  Each time, she experienced the same euphoric sensation.  She liked
it.

Stacie finally extinguished her cigarette in the sand ashtray by the door.
"Thanks for coming out with me."  She was smiling as she paused to exhale the
last of the smoke.  "I didn't mean to be so nasty," she added.  "I appreciate
you not abandoning me."

"No problem," Lynne smiled back.  "You're just upset.  I'm sorry my
experiment caused you to start smoking again.  I never meant it to happen.
But I'm not changing my mind.  I'm still going to learn to smoke, for Tom's
sake."

Stacie shook her head while Lynne dropped her cigarette in the receptacle.
"Maybe I should talk to Tom," she frowned.  "This isn't smart.  I don't like
it.  You're in over your head."  She sighed.  "I did that when I first
started smoking.  If I knew then what I know now ...."

"Let's talk about it over lunch," Lynne interrupted.  She opened the door and
shooed Stacie inside.  "We've got to get back to work.  We'll grab a sandwich
together at the deli."  She smiled.  "You can smoke there, you know."

Stacie sighed.  "I know."  She nodded her head.  "Okay.  It's a deal.  How
about if I drive?"  Lynne's silence indicated acquiescence.  "See you at one
o'clock."

Promptly at one, Lynne emerged from the library's side door.  In the parking
lot, with the motor running, was Stacie's Altima.  Lynne smiled.  The windows
were closed, but Stacie was smoking inside.  Drive time to the deli would be
under five minutes, but Stacie had nevertheless already lit up.  As much as
she complained about the habit, she clearly relished each cigarette she
smoked.

This one was clearly no exception.  Stacie was in the middle of a long drag
as Lynne opened the door and got in.  Her face registered a combination of
longing and contentment.  Stacie inhaled.  Lynne smiled.  Stacie was a
walking billboard that shouted:  'Smoking is fun!'

"Sorry about the smoky car," she apologized as she cracked her window.  "I
like smoking in a closed car," she added, smoke erupting from her lips.  "And
I just couldn't wait."

"Not a problem," Lynne reassured her.  She looked around.  Always before,
Stacie's car had been immaculately clean.  But now the ashtray was pulled
open on the dashboard, and it was full of cigarette butts.  Ashes covered the
floor and upholstery.  Overnight the vehicle had been transferred into a
smoker's car.

"I don't mind the smell," Lynne added honestly.  "I really don't."

It was true.  Especially after smoking this morning, Lynne decided the smell
of cigarette smoke wasn't so bad.  In fact, she found herself growing
accustomed to the pungent odor.

The trip to the restaurant was fast.  Too fast for Stacie, because she hadn't
finished her cigarette.  They disembarked from the Altima and headed for the
deli entrance  Stacie took three consecutive quick, hard pulls on her
cigarette, before throwing it to the ground at the door.  Without waiting to
exhale, she entered the restaurant with Lynne.  Over her next few breaths,
smoke dribbled from Stacie's red lips.

Inside they were greeted by a pretty brunette who flashed them a big, toothy
smile.  "Hi," she gushed enthusiastically.  "My  name's Molly.  Welcome to
Jimmy's Deli."  Before she asked the obligatory "smoking or non-smoking"
question, she saw the smoky residue still escaping from Stacie's lips.  She
offered a second smile.  "I'll bet you want smoking, don't you?" she winked
knowingly.  "Well, I've got one table left in smoking.  Come, follow me."

As the hostess seated them, Lynne saw the outline of a box of cigarettes in
the breast pocket of Molly's white button down shirt.  She looked young, but
she was obviously a smoker, and she wasn't hiding it.  Molly's status as a
smoker was prominently displayed by the cigarettes in her pocket, further
accentuated by the fact that the shirt was too tight.  It showed off her
ample tits, and made the box of cigarettes in the pocket protrude even more
conspicuously.

Lynne looked around.  It was after one o'clock.  The crowd was slowly
dissipating in the non-smoking room.  But the smoking section was full.
Without much thought, Lynne mentioned it as Molly handed them menus.

"Oh, God," Molly nodded, showing her big teeth through a large smile.  "We
always have waits for tables in smoking over the lunch hour."  She nodded
knowingly.  "You're lucky it's after one.  I guess there just aren't enough
restaurants with smoking sections anymore.  You know?  I mean, who wants to
go out to lunch at a restaurant if you can't smoke?" she winked.  "Not me,"
she added with an evil grin.

From her purse, Stacie got out her Salems.  After a pause, she finally
replied.  "Not me, either," she said solemnly.  She put a cigarette in her
mouth and reached for her lighter.  Then she stopped.  She stared at the
table, and at the hostess, as if something was wrong.

Molly immediately picked up the unspoken cue.  "Oh, God," she apologized.  "I
am _so_ sorry.  Let me get you an ashtray."  She bounced to the nearby
waitress stand and returned with a glass ashtray.  "The busboy didn't replace
it when he cleared your table," she apologized.  "I'm sorry.  Enjoy," she
added as Stacie lit up.  She winked again and departed.

Stacie frowned as she took a long drag.  She inhaled deeply, as always.
Holding the fresh burning cigarette beside her face, she tipped her head and
exhaled a stream of smoke.  A look of contentment descended over her.

Lynne was mad at her friend.  "You should've said 'thanks' to that nice young
hostess," she fumed.  "She was so sweet.  What's your problem?"

Stacie shrugged.  "I don't like the fact that I'm smoking," she explained.
"And I don't want to make fuckin' small talk with someone about how great
smoking is.  The whole thing upsets me."  She took another drag.  "The
problem is, each time I smoke another cigarette I know damn well that I'm
digging myself deeper into a fuckin' hole."  She sighed.  "I can't help it,
and I'm not happy."

Now Lynne was furious.  Her eyes blazed.  "Give me one of those damn things,"
she said harshly.  Surprised by the outburst, Stacie quietly pushed her pack
across the table.  Lynne removed a cigarette and put it in her mouth.
Reaching for the lighter, without help she clicked it violently.  After a
hard initial hit, Lynne laid into her friend with gusto.

"You're a real bitch, Stacie Warden!  Do you know what you just did?  You
treated the sweet little hostess like trash, and it's just because she
sympathized with your goddamn need to smoke!  She went out of her way to be
nice and you ..."  Lynne paused.  "What are you staring at?"

Stacie shook her head.  "I'm staring at you," she gasped.  "Holy shit, Lynne!
You're inhaling!  The whole time you were talking to me, smoke just kept
coming out of your mouth!"

"So?" Lynne replied with a shrug.  "You inhale every time you smoke.  What's
the big deal?"

"It's a big deal because you couldn't do that last night.  When did you learn
to inhale?"

"Oh, I dunno," Lynne shrugged, taking another drag and inhaling again.  "I
didn't think about it.  I smoked with you this morning.  I just did what you
did."  She smiled.  "It's really not that hard, you know."  She turned her
head and lifted a plume of smoke toward the ceiling.

"Oh, God," whispered Stacie.  "You did it again!  Oh, shit!  You're really
smoking now!"

"Quit whining," Lynne commanded.  "Don't change the subject.  We're talking
about what a bitch you are.  I'm not done with that subject."

Lynne tapped her cigarette in the ashtray.  Before she could resume her
harangue, the waitress arrived.  She was another young girl, who looked no
older than Kate.  Her nameplate read "Jennifer."  Like Molly the hostess,
Jennifer had a pack of cigarettes prominently displayed in the breast pocket
of her tight, white shirt.  Unlike Molly, however, this pretty girl was
blond.

"Hi," she bubbled.  "My name is Jennifer and I'll be your server.  Can I get
you ladies something to drink?"

Lynne turned toward the waitress.  She held her cigarette over the ashtray
and manicured the ashes.  "Jennifer, let me ask you a question first.  Do you
smoke?"

The young waitress stuttered.  She was obviously flustered by the inquiry.
"Yes," she answered haltingly.  "But why do you want to know?"

"Thank you for the affirmative answer.  But actually, I already knew you
did," Lynne said kindly.  "Because there's a pack of cigarettes in your shirt
pocket.  It's a dead give away."

Jennifer blushed.  "Oh, right," she nodded.  "Sometimes I almost forget
they're there."  She patted the protrusion in her breast pocket.  "Yes, I do
smoke," she admitted again.  "But so do both of you.  What about it?"

"I'll explain in a minute.  Do you enjoy smoking, Jennifer?"

Jennifer frowned.  "Yeah, sure.  Otherwise, I wouldn't do it, would I?"

"That's what I think, too.  But I'll tell you why I want to know.  You see,
some smokers feel bad about themselves, just because they smoke."  She
smiled, winking at Stacie.  "Tell me, Jennifer.  Do you feel bad about
yourself because you're a smoker?"

"Gosh, no," Jennifer exclaimed.  Sensing this was a friendly exchange, she
let down her guard.  "I do get tired of taking shit from my non-smoking
friends, though.  Excuse my language.  But smoking doesn't make me feel bad
about myself.  No.  Maybe I'm weird or something, but I like to smoke."

Lynne smiled and nodded her approval.  "How old are you, Jennifer?  And how
long have you been smoking?"

"Are you serious about this?" she asked incredulously.  She relaxed and
smiled.  "Okay, I'm 17.  I'm a senior in high school.  And I guess I've been
smoking since I was about, oh, 15 or so."  Jennifer looked around.  "I'm not
on Candid Camera or anything, am I?  Am I in trouble?"

"No," laughed Lynne.  "I'm asking to settle an argument."  She looked at
Stacie.  "My friend here is down on herself because she can't quit smoking.
She feels guilty, and worries what it'll do to her health."  Lynne paused for
a drag on her cigarette.  "I'm trying to convince her it shouldn't freak her
out.  It's okay to enjoy smoking.  Don't you think?"

Jennifer rolled her eyes.  "Like, yeah.  I don't worry what's gonna happen
fifty years from now."  She looked at Stacie.  "It's none of my business, but
your friend here is right.  Look, if you can't quit, then just enjoy your
smoking."  A mischievous grin crept across Jennifer's face.  "To be honest,
I've never tried to quit.  I don't want to," she giggled.  "Now, can I ask
you two something?"

"Yeah, sure," nodded Lynne.

"What do you want to drink?  We're busy.  I've got to get orders up for my
other tables."

"Oh, I'm sorry.  We didn't mean to take so long."  Apologetically, she
ordered Diet Coke and Stacie asked for coffee.  After Jennifer left, Stacie
responded.  It was her turn to be mad.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded.  "Since when did you become so
pro-smoking?  I can't believe the way you just embarrassed me!"

Lynn shrugged.  "I'm just telling it like it is," she replied.  "Look.  All
morning you bitched and complained about how damn sorry you feel for
yourself.  You're sooo depressed that you're smoking again, and that you
can't quit."  She lowered her voice and leaned forward.  "But Stacie, let me
say something.  As long as I've known you, you've been hyper.  You know, you
constantly tap your feet, play with your hair, that sort of thing.  But today
you seem so relaxed, more mellow than I've ever seen.  And you should see the
look on your face!  My God, each time you smoke, you're the picture of
contentment!  To be honest, I don't know why you're complaining.  You
obviously love to smoke.  It clearly calms you down.  You look like it makes
you feel damn good.  So, what's your problem?  Stop complaining and enjoy
it!"

Stacie was stunned.  Without thinking, she drew long and hard on her
cigarette.  "I don't like being out of control," she said as she inhaled.
"But once I start smoking, I can't stop."  She paused to exhale.  "The
problem is, I don't want to stop.  That scares me.  And I'm worried about
what smoking will do to my health.  But I'm sorry for being such a grouch."
She furrowed her brow.  "I like to smoke.  That's the trouble.  I like it so
fuckin' much I can't control it.  That I don't like."  She sighed and crushed
her cigarette in the ashtray.  "Does that make sense?"

"I guess," Lynne agreed.  "But if you really can't control it, girl, just
give in and enjoy it."  She looked across the table.  Though Stacie'd
finished her cigarette, but bits of smoke continued coming through her
nostrils.  Her face was wreathed in ambient smoke.  She looked content as her
lungs reluctantly gave up the last of the inhaled fumes.

Lynne laughed.  "Stacie, if ever a woman was born to smoke, you're it!  I've
never seen anyone who loves smoking so much."  Lynne took a last drag on her
cigarette and crushed it in the ashtray next to Stacie's still smoldering
butt.  "To be honest," she giggled, stopping momentarily to exhale, "watching
you smoke makes me more excited about it."

"I know," Stacie frowned.  "You're adjusting real well to the nicotine.  I
can tell.  Now you're inhaling all the time.  Do you feel okay?"

"Great," Lynne replied cheerfully, stretching her arms and letting the last
of her smoke escape from her lips.  "Surprisingly, I really like to smoke.
After last night, I didn't think I'd say that.  But today smoking seems - I
don't know - easy!  It's much better."  She shrugged.  "I'll keep practicing.
At this rate, in a few days I can surprise Tom and smoke for him."  She
flashed an evil smile.  "In the meantime, I like smoking with you, Stacie."

"Shit," Stacie groaned.  "Just what I was afraid of."

"It's not worth being upset about," she shot back.  "I wanted to learn.  It's
how I'll save my marriage.  It would be worse if I hated it but had to do it
anyway.  I'm encouraged.  I'm starting to enjoy it."

Jennifer arrived, bringing Lynne's Diet Coke and Stacie's coffee.  "Do you
want to order?" she asked.

"Give us a few minutes," Lynne smiled, taking a sip of Diet.  "We haven't
looked at the menu."

"I'll be back," she grinned.  "Take your time."

As she left, Lynne admired Jennifer's tight little ass.  She looked mighty
hot in her skin-tight black pans.  For some reason, smoking made her feel
excited in a strangely sexual way.

"Hey, Stacie," she said with a conspiratorial whisper, like a kid in a candy
store.  "Let's smoke another cigarette.  Right now.  You want to?"

Stacie rolled her eyes.  "Yeah, sure," she sighed.  "Why not?  God, I can't
believe you!"  She offered her pack of Salems across the table.  "Here you
go."

"Thanks!" Lynne smiled happily, graciously accepting a cigarette from her
blond friend's pack.  She rolled the cylinder between her fingers and thought
for a moment.  "God, I don't know why, but smoking seems so - shit, I don't
know - so deliciously evil or something."  After Stacie lit hers, Lynne took
the lighter to fire up her own cigarette.  "It's really fun," she added,
holding the lighter.

"Yeah," Stacie acknowledged, exhaling her first drag.  Lynne put the
cigarette in her mouth prepared to light up, too.  "Don't worry.  It keeps
getting more fun, the more you smoke."

Lynne let the flame touch the tip of the cigarette between her lips.  She
felt her mouth filling with smoke.  She liked that feeling!  She sucked
harder.  The cigarette's tip glowed as she eagerly took more smoke into her
mouth.  As she removed the cigarette from her lips, she quickly breathed in.
God, that felt good, too!  I could definitely get used to this, she decided,
letting smoke soak into her lungs.  She turned her head and slowly exhaled
through pursed lips.

"Enjoying yourself?" interrupted Stacie.

"Oh, yeah," Lynne smiled. "I am.  God, I really am.  This is great."

"Be careful.  You seem too comfortable.  Pretty soon you won't want to stop."

Lynne ignored the warning, and returned the cigarette to her mouth.  "I'll
share a little secret with you," she whispered mischievously upon completing
another drag.  "I already don't want to stop."  She tilted her head and
exhaled.  "I can definitely see why you like smoking."

Stacie said nothing.  She exhaled a long flow of smoke from her mouth.

Lynne took another long pull on her Salem.  "So far, smoking feels good to
me," she went on enthusiastically.  "God, if it always feels like this,
before long Tom will have a smoking wife!"  She paused to exhale.  "A smoking
wife.  You know, that sounds kinda nice," she sighed.  She once again rested
the cigarette between her lips, in preparation for another long, pensive
drag.  "A smoking wife," she repeated, as she took this hit.

"Excuse me, girls," the waitress interrupted.  She was pleasant, but firm.
"I'm not making a dime while you two smoke and giggle.  What can I get you to
eat?"

They ordered, and Stacie and Lynne smoked 'til their food arrived.  After
eating, they smoked some more.  With each successive cigarette, Stacie seemed
more comfortable, more accepting of the fact that she was, truly and
unequivocally, a smoker once again.  This development with Stacie was clearly
aided by Lynne's unashamed enthusiasm.  With each cigarette she smoked, Lynne
grew more enthusiastic about the pleasures of nicotine.

When they got in Stacie's car to return to the library, Lynne quickly
counted.  My God, she realized, I smoked six cigarettes over the lunch hour.
But she didn't feel satiated.  If anything, she felt energized, ready to
smoke again at the next opportunity.

"Hey, are you going outside for the afternoon break?" she asked eagerly as
they rushed back into the library.

"I suppose," Stacie said with a smile of resignation.  "I assume you want to
join me for another cigarette this afternoon?"

"Yes, I do," Lynne nodded, spontaneously giving Stacie a big hug.  "Thanks
for smoking with me today," she gushed.  "I know you were upset about it.
But honestly, I enjoy it so much now.  I'm already looking forward to the
break this afternoon so I can have another one.  Face it.  You're a smoker,
Stacie.  I'm going to become a smoker, too.  In other words, we won't be
visiting the break room inside any time soon.  At least not if I have
anything to say about it."  She giggled.  "I want to go outside and smoke!  I
could have another one right now!"

"Lynne, you're terrible," sighed Stacie, as her short blond hair shown in the
sunlight.  "But, hey.  Thanks again for helping me, encouraging me to simply
accept the fact that I'm probably going to keep smoking.  I can't quit now.
I know that.  I don't want to.  I've got to come to grips with it.  I'm a
smoker.  Plain and simple.  I always will be.  If Bill can't deal with that,
then fuck him.  Maybe we're through."  She grinned.  "Hey, I was getting
tired of him, anyway," she added with a smirk.  "Maybe it's for the best."

"See you at four," Lynne smiled.  She wiggled her two fingers in the air and
laughed.  "For our new pastime," she added.

At four o'clock, Edith relieved Lynne for her break.  By late afternoon the
sun had warmed the spring air.  There was no hint of a breeze.  It felt
sultry, almost summery, though it was only May.  When Lynne went outside,
Stacie wasn't there.  Peeking inside, she saw Stacie in the reference room
with a patron.  "Damn," she muttered.  She'd been looking forward to a
cigarette for three hours.  Now she'd have to wait a bit longer.  Her own
impatience surprised her.  She really wanted a smoke.  She knew what it
meant, what was happening inside her.  But amazingly, she didn't care!  The
sudden realization made Lynne feel wonderfully decadent.

"Hi, there," a voice called.  Lynne looked.  Behind the library and across
the parking lot stood a group of office buildings.  Their back doors abutted
the library's parking area.  A pleasant looking man in a white shirt and
necktie stood by the back door of one building with a sign that read "Conrad
& Miller Insurance Agency."

"I saw you and your blond friend smoking out here this morning," he called.
"Mind if I come over and join you?"

"No, not at all," Lynne replied, happy for the company.

As he approached, Lynne saw the man held a cigarette in his left hand.
Another pariah, condemned to smoke outside, she smiled.  When he drew closer,
Lynne guessed he was about 35.  Her age.  He was good looking, too, with
broad shoulders and dirty blond hair.

"I've never seen you out here," he said.  He stretched out his hand.  "I'm
Randy Conrad."

"Hi, Randy," Lynne said shyly.  "I'm Lynne Carlson."  She looked behind her.
Still no Stacie.  "I'm waiting for my friend," she said apologetically.

"I usually smoke alone out here," Randy replied, ignoring her apology.  "But
we smokers need to hang together.  If we don't hang together, they'll surely
hang us separately," he laughed.

"I suppose so," Lynne giggled nervously.  It felt awkward talking with this
stranger.  She wished Stacie were here.  Stacie was more gregarious.  She'd
know what to say.  Lynne wasn't good at small talk.

Randy looked at her and whistled.  "Hey, do you need a cigarette?" he asked.
"I noticed this morning that you were bumming 'em off your blond friend.  I
gather she's tied up.  Here.  Have one of mine."

"Gee, thanks," Lynne blushed.  "Actually, you're right.  I'd love a cigarette
right now."

It was true.  The smell of smoke from Randy's cigarette had increased Lynne's
longing for one.  He took a pack of Marlboro Light 100's from his shirt and
offered Lynne a cigarette.  "This is very kind of you," she smiled:

"It's my pleasure," he reassured her.  As she took the cigarette in her
fingers, he readied his lighter, cupped his hands and offered a light.  "It's
not often I get to smoke with a beautiful woman," he smiled.

Lynne returned the smile, and pulled hard to get an even light.  Then she
inhaled, pulling the smoke into her hungry lungs.  It tasted different from
Stacie's Salem Lights 100's.  Different, but pleasant.  Very pleasant.  She
released a plume of the smoke into the still air.  "Thank you," she said with
her exhale.  "Gosh, this tastes good to me."  And it did.  Very good indeed.
"I've never smoked anything but menthol."

"Really?" Randy said, obviously surprised.  Thinking she was kidding, he
asked, "How long have you been smoking?"

Lynne was embarrassed.  She blushed, as she took another drag on the
Marlboro.  Yes, this smoke lacked the minty taste of Stacie's, but it was
strangely satisfying.  Again she inhaled, more deeply this time.  Yes, it
felt good!

"Actually, I just started smoking," she blurted out.  Seeing the surprise on
Randy's face, she continued apologetically.  "You probably think that's
terrible."

"Not at all," Randy replied, recovering quickly.  "Why should I think it's
terrible that you smoke?  I'm in no position to criticize anyone else for
indulging in our little habit."  His warm smile reassured her.  He didn't
think she was at all strange or bad for taking up smoking.

At that moment, Stacie burst through the library's back door.  She already
had a cigarette between her lips, and she held her lighter in mid air.  She
startled when she saw Randy, but nevertheless lit her cigarette, quickly and
efficiently.  Before speaking, she took a prolonged drag and sucked the
contents deep into her lungs.

"Hey, I didn't know I was missing a party," she said sarcastically.  She took
a second quick, deep drag and stuck out her free hand.  "Hi, I'm Stacie
Warden," she announced, exhaling a cloud of smoke into the air at the same
time.

"This is Randy Conrad from the Conrad & Miller Insurance Agency across the
way," Lynne explained.  Randy shook Stacie's hand..  "He saw me out here and
came over to keep me company."  She held up her cigarette.  "He gave me one
of his," she added proudly.

"I can see that," Stacie said with a coquettish smile.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to intrude," he explained politely.  "But I hate
to smoke alone.  I saw Lynne come out and thought she might like some
company."

"No, that's great," Stacie replied.  She took her third consecutive drag,
looking like a woman who hadn't smoked in days.  In fact, it had only been
three hours.  "They won't let you smoke in your office, either?"

"Oh no," Randy smiled.  "I own the business, along with my partner, but it's
not smart anymore to allow smoking in an insurance office.  Customers don't
like it these days.  So now I only smoke outside.  I'm out here three or four
times a day if the weather's good.  But I've never seen either of you until
this morning."

"Stacie just started, too," Lynne tried to explain.  "I mean, she used to
smoke before.  But then she quit.  But now she's smoking again, and ...."

"What my friend's trying to say, Randy, is I quit smoking for six years.  I
just started again, because Lynne here wanted to learn."  She watched Randy's
face for some indication of surprise.  Seeing none, she continued.  "Lynne
had this crazy idea that her husband would find her more attractive if she
smokes," she went on.  "I told her she was crazy, but she insisted...."

"No need to explain," Randy interrupted.  He looked at Lynne.  She was
puffing again on her cigarette, more like a veteran than a novice.  He
smiled.  "I agree with you, Lynne.  Smoking has a certain sexiness associated
with it.  I'm sure your husband thinks you're attractive when you smoke.  Any
man who saw you smoke and didn't think so would need his head examined.  You
look great!"

"Thanks," Lynne blushed.  She pushed her long, dark brown hair away from her
face.  "I hope you're right about my husband."

"You mean he hasn't seen you yet?" Randy asked.  "Oh, he's in for a treat,"
he winked.

Stacie put her cigarette in her mouth and pulled long and hard.  "Randy, does
your wife smoke?" she asked while she inhaled.  She seemed suspicious of this
interloper.

"No.  Unfortunately, I'm recently divorced," he said quietly, watching Stacie
release a stream of smoke into the afternoon air.  "After five years of
marriage, my wife quit smoking.  I refused to join her."  He shrugged.  "That
wasn't our only problem, but it was a sore spot.  Pam got very self-righteous
when she quit.  I refused to apologize for the fact that I enjoy smoking.  It
drove her crazy."  He shrugged.  "Our divorce was final two weeks ago," he
added.  He smiled at Stacie.  "It's tough to find women who smoke these days.
Especially good looking ones," he winked.  "But I'll tell you this.  I'll
never even date another non-smoker again as long as I live."

Before the women could ask for any explanation of this remark, Randy looked
at his watch.  "Hey, I've got to get back," he apologized.  "I have an
appointment in a few minutes."  He took a long drag on his cigarette before
dropping it on the ground.  "I enjoyed talking with you," he said as he
exhaled.  "I'll see you out here again."

"Oh God," laughed Stacie, as Randy hurried across the parking lot.  "Here's a
guy who's actually looking for a woman who smokes.  I can't believe it.
That's a new one."

"Why?" Lynne asked.  She seemed puzzled.

"In college, most guys I was interested wanted me to quit.  But now here's a
guy who wants to find a woman that smokes!  She smiled.  "How old do you
think Randy is?"

"I'd guess mid-thirties," Lynne replied.  "Stacie Warden, I know what's going
through that evil mind.  Down, girl!  Stop!"

Stacie giggled, putting her cigarette between her smiling lips.  "God, it'd
be great to have a man who wasn't put off by smoking," she said dreamily,
having finished her drag.  "Imagine not having to apologize for wanting a
cigarette!  Imagine spending time with someone who wants to smoke just as
much as you do, and who doesn't apologize because he likes it ...."  She
stopped and exhaled.  "Shit!  Listen to me.  You'd think Bill and I were
already finished!"

"Randy likes you, Stacie," Lynne teased.  " Did you see how he watched you?
I thought he was going to jump out of his pants, and mount you right here!"

"Shut up," Stacie chided.  She took another hit.  Her cigarette was almost
done.  "Shit, we've got to get back," she said, exhaling twin streams of
smoke through her nose as she puffed again.  "Do you like non-menthol?" she
asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, they're nice," Lynne answered matter-of-factly.  She took a final drag
off the cigarette Randy gave her.  "His Marlboros are good.  But maybe I just
like smoking," she giggled.  She looked at her watch.  "God, I wish we had
time for another.  Just one more."

"We don't," Stacie muttered, opening the door.  "God, Lynne Carlson.  You're
already worse than me!  It looks like you'll be buying cigarettes for
yourself on the way home tonight."

Lynne nodded.  "I will buy myself a pack of Salems," she admitted.  "I want
to keep smoking.  I'm not ready to smoke in the house; not yet.  But I'll
find a way to practice.  I'm only worried what Kate will think.  Tom will be
delighted.  I'm not so sure about her.  I'll need to break it to Kate gently.
We already fight way too much.  I don't want my smoking to further hurt our
relationship.  Any ideas on how to handle it?"

"Don't worry.  You'll think of something," Stacie smiled.  "You always do."

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